Parents want their kids to be successful. But not always we know what to do to reach this goal. Tony Robbins gives a small child-raising advice on this subject.
For those who’s not acquainted with this name, I’ll explain. Robbins is one of the most successful motivational speakers and leadership coaches of all time, with top CEOs paying him $1 million or more per year for one-on-one coaching. He spends more than 200 days annually running sell-out events (with ticket prices deep into the four-figure range), and he’s the author of several number-one bestselling books, among them Money: Master the Game (2014), and his massive 1991 bestseller, Awaken the Giant Within.
His childhood was pretty rough though: His parents divorced when he was 7 years old. Money was always tight. He grew up with a mother who has been described as an abusive alcoholic and a pill user–plus a series of stepfathers figures.
Robbins broke with his family when he was 17, reportedly after his mother chased him out of their house with a knife. He got a job as a janitor to support himself, but ultimately linked up with self-help guru Jim Rohn in the 1980s. He then started working on his own books and programs, which became massively successful.
And he himself raised a successful son, Jariek, who is also a well-known motivational speaker and performance coach.Tony Robbins says that a key factor in helping children achieve success is to speak to them in ways that help them achieve a growth mindset.
When praising kids, Robbins says, the advice is, “don’t tell them how perfect they are, how beautiful they are, how smart they are, how unique and special they are.” Instead, offer praise and encouragement that focuses on the effort they expend to overcome problems–“persistence, determination, constantly flexing your approach.”
In short, a growth mindset is probably easiest to understand when you consider it in relation to its opposite, a fixed mindset. As the name implies, a fixed mindset is a belief system that presumes that human achievement is based primarily on innate gifts. As a result, a person with a fixed mindset is likely to discount the roles played by effort, determination, or even working just to be in the right place at the right time, plays in success.
A person with a growth mindset, however, has internalized the belief that humans’ ability to achieve is much more malleable and controllable. That means that we can increase our intelligence and problem-solving abilities over time, and that hard work, determination, and perseverance are at least as important as innate ability.
Kids who develop growth mindsets set higher goals, had a healthier attitude toward effort and failure, and were less likely to complain about being “bored” (which fixed-mindset kids use as a cover or excuse to explain why they don’t try difficult things). As Robbins puts it:
If you teach them — “Honey you did so great on that because look, you never gave up! You kept persisting.” Or, “Look what you did here, by constantly pushing yourself harder and harder until you broke through. I’m so proud of you!” That type of shaping will make a person grow up where they will value persistence, hard work [and] effort, which is where all rewards come from–in business and personal life.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments. I’d especially like to hear how you were raised: as a child to develop a fixed mindset or a growth mindset, and how you react to that now as an adult.